Before the years are gone and I've lost my nerve...

'Cause this is what I've waited for..

Thursday, March 27, 2008

To Conceal a Matter

"It is the glory of God to conceal a matter...."

I've been mulling this verse from Proverbs 25 over and over in my mind and just read a commentary by John MacArthur about it. The supremacy of the mind of God so incredibly supersedes our own capacity that concealing matters from us reveals the Glory of Him, His nature, His power. But I wonder if there might even be more to it than just limitations of wisdom. Could it also be that He delights in surprises? Anticipating the looks on our faces when the answer comes?

I do not possibly have the ability to keep something quiet without extreme discomfort. To hold my tongue against a barrage of questions seems like complete torture, especially when they are asked in earnest and sincerity. But if you've ever tried to keep something secret, a most special surprise, there is almost delight in keeping your mouth shut.

No,'re gonna want to wait for this one.... it's gonna be big.

Here I sit at my computer, coffee next to the keyboard, freshly made hummus and pita bread still on my breath wondering about the hidden things of God....and I love it. I love everything about this moment.

Monday, March 3, 2008

So there.

I just got off the phone with a friend of mine who's husband has just recently asked her for a divorce. I'm ill-equipped, but strangely entwined in her story as I feel like I'm the only person she's talking to about all the gory details. How in the world do I encourage someone to rip their heart away from the only man she's loved for the past 12 years? But God had some serious truth to tell her tonight and it was pretty wild to be a part of it. I think it's awesome, completely awesome, to watch the Divine use my clumsy mouth.

It's been a heavy week, and I'm only just beginning to feel like I might very well have a huge target on my back. There's undoubtedly some strange spiritual stuff going on around Duluth right now, and I even hesitate to write that because there's still a part of me that screams, "But I'm Baptist!! We don't talk about spiritual warfare, nonetheless wage against it!" Seriously, I never gave much thought into anything of that nature until I started hearing my name being called in my house at night. Really, I know how it sounds, but it is true. Freaky, but true. So anyways, I was washing my face in the tub last night (I would normally wash it in the sink, but we're having some clog issues that refuse to get flushed and I just don't have the patience to let the water trickle down the drain) and as I bent over to gather water from the faucet I felt like there was someone behind me. Not only was it behind me, but I felt like it was about to grab me by the hair and slam my head into the side of the tub. A little unnerving perhaps? Absolutely- and completely absurd, but I couldn't help but feel like they were back. I had prayed with a friend at church that morning, sharing some of the events and crap from the previous week, when she shared that all across our church people are experiencing similar things. Because of that conversation, my bathroom rendezvous with the dark side seemed a little less intimidating.
"I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand I will not be shaken!"
"Greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world."
"I'm a child of God, covered by the blood of Jesus Christ- you have no power here, now be gone."

"You leave my son alone......."

That last one surprised me as it came out of my lips. It wasn't my first mother bear experience, as just a few weeks prior I about tackled some poor middle aged lady as she got a little too close to Jeremiah's car seat while we were grocery shopping. I really was about to take her was pretty comical as I attempted to compose myself in the coffee and tea aisle all the while in my brain seeing the possible events unfold......beans spilling onto the floor, tea boxes in the air.

The sensation that someone was in my house disappeared as suddenly as I felt it come on, and I simply finished up in the bathroom and went to bed. There was no room for fear and I actually felt incredibly empowered as I made my way across the hall to my bedroom. A strange story, no doubt, but what this boils down to is this- boldness has come with motherhood that I didn't expect, and all this time that I've been trying to authenticate my role as a mother showed me that when it comes down to it, my God-given mother bear instincts have kicked in. I've been validated. I've listened long enough to lies telling me I'm not a real mom, that I won't be enough for Jeremiah, that other moms see me as unequal, etc. It's time for the lies to stop affecting me- God has made that clear. I've got better things to do with my time and a little boy that is craving my attention; a husband that adores me and needs my liberated heart; friends that need an extra boost of encouragement and a good dose of truth. I cannot do and be any of these things if I listen to the lies that have been tailored just to harm me. They hold no power and I refuse to listen anymore. So there.