Before the years are gone and I've lost my nerve...

'Cause this is what I've waited for..

Monday, September 8, 2008

Autumn hair smells like my childhood~

Yesterday I took Jeremiah down the sidewalk in his new buggy. That brilliant design let him grab a hold of the rear end and escort it along the path. The air was cool, crisp and left my mouth watering for anything apple and gingery. I absolutely love this time of year and think it's the greatest thing that Jeremiah is a fall baby. I, too, have a Fall birthday and believe it to be the most magical of seasons to celebrate. Forgive me, you who were birthed in other seasons, but I love that my son and I will get to share similar memories of autumn colored birthdays. So yesterday when we spent some time walking, I scooped him up for a smooch on his cold cheek and got the most amazing whiff that transported me back to years upon years ago. Time stood still for a moment and every memory of apple orchards and raked leaves washed over me with the breeze that had penetrated his hair. I couldn't get enough of it. I also couldn't get enough of this last year, one that has gone by so incredibly fast, too fast. One year ago, last week was when I met Marisol for the first time.

On Labor Day as we swam in my sister's pool my mom looked at me, saying, "Can you believe it? One year ago today we met her for dinner. Now look at us!" I don't remember not knowing Jeremiah and I can't grasp who I was back then, but I know how very much I love right now. I've never lived in the present before, not until Jeremiah came. I tried, sure, but spent most of my time trying to imagine the future with whatever hope I could muster. All of this became even more evident to me as I read The Shack, a book I'm completely absorbed in right now.

"Such a powerful ability, the imagination! That power alone makes you so like us. But without wisdom, imagination is a cruel task-master. If I may prove my case, do you think humans were designed to live in the present or the past or the future?"
"Well," said Mack, hesitating, "I think the most obvious answer is that we were designed to live in the present. Is that wrong?"
Jesus chuckled. "Relax, Mack; this is not a test, it's a conversation. You are exactly correct, by the way. But now tell me, where do you spend most of your time in your mind, in your imagination, in the present, in the past, or in the future?"
Mack thought about it for a moment before answering. "I suppose I would have to say that I spend very little time in the present. For me, I spend a big piece in the past, but most of the rest of the time, I am trying to figure out the future."
"Not unlike most people. When I dwell with you, I do so in the present- I live in the present. Not the past, although much can be remembered and learned by looking back, but only for a visit, not an extended stay. And for sure, I do not dwell in the future you visualize or imagine......"

Right now is most definitely not the future I visualized or's even cooler. God is speaking into my life at this moment, reminding me briefly of where I have been and what He has done, all with a little help from the autumn breeze.