Before the years are gone and I've lost my nerve...

'Cause this is what I've waited for..

Monday, April 23, 2007


Yesterday was Compassion Sunday at church. I was not prepared, to say the least, and spent most of the service with my head down; tears and mucus (ok, snot) running down my face. Of course we were sitting in the front row, so there was no discreet exit happening for me. Why didn't I grab a donut before the service? At least then I would have had a napkin or something... But God was at work in my heart. Big time.

As part of the focus for Compassion Sunday, a majority of the service was devoted to adoption. We had heard that another couple from church had an open adoption, but hadn't yet talked with them. They gave their testimony and as Dar was talking I sat stunned in my seat. Their story is almost identical to ours! But they had to do it all in 3 weeks! And as Dar was retelling the details of the time in the hospital, the goodbyes, and the actual placing of the child in their arms she made a comment about the birth mother that hit me hard. She said, .."how could we turn her away? She was giving us her newborn son!" I realized then that God was once again changing our view of this whole scenario. I had spent the past couple of weeks getting defensive, overprotective, and jealous of our birth mother! Apparantly I was missing the point here. God's plan goes way far beyond just giving me a child- he has something in mind for the birth mom too. But if I'm already closing myself off to her, then how will she be reached? So my challenge continues and we are anxious to talk more with Fred and Dar about their experience. How cool that we have people so close that have gone before us in this! God is good.

Not only did we walk alway incredibly challenged, but networked with two other couples from church that have either adopted, or are in the midst of adopting.

On Saturday we will be attending a parenting seminar down in the cities at the adoption agency. Because Eva is 25% Native American, the agency is requiring that we attend. It is titled, Multicultural Parenting in a Racist Society, and will be interesting. I'll leave it at that.

We are still waiting to hear whether or not the birth mom has accepted our openness agreement, so are anxious to get that finally sorted out. Other than that, we will get a copy of the home study and wait for the call to go to the hospital. And somehow in this whole grand scheme I'm supposed to be preparing myself for motherhood. The closest I've come is putting a few items into the diaper bag, slowly getting that packed so it's ready when we get the call. But I don't even know exactly what to put in there!

This whole process is incredible, surreal, and just downright weird.


Jay said...

You are such a testimony to the workings of God! You continue to be in our prayers and we love you guys :)

Marsha Gear said...

Hi Tiffany, God is GOOD! That is so awesome that He has provided you and Lee with three couples to counsel with you about the adoption. I am sure He wants to use you and Lee as a witness to the birth mom. It is always the case that He asks us to step out in faith, like Abraham, not knowing exactly what our destination is, and THEN He provides what we need along the way, as we need it. I don't think we'll ever quite have that nailed this side of heaven, but what a joy when we get a glimpse of what He has in mind before it happens, and we agree in our spirits to rest in Him and trust Him. What a blessing to be part of the family of God. Love, Grandma Marsha