Before the years are gone and I've lost my nerve...

'Cause this is what I've waited for..

Thursday, April 19, 2007

My kind of Labor....

I heard from the social worker today and ICWA does not apply to our situation! Praise the Lord! ICWA stands for Indian Child Welfare Act, and because the baby is 25% Ojibwe, there was a possibility that the Leech Lake Band could take jurisdiction over this adoption, could require things of us in raising this child, but that the baby could also receive benefits from them (which wouldn't have been all that bad..). I felt like if anyone else was going to try to step in and tell us how we were going to raise this child I would absolutely scream. But once again, God is gracious. I must cling to that.

I don't know how many times over the past week and a half I have said to Lee, "I don't ever want to do this again." But I wonder if it's one of those things you just say in the middle of stressful muck. Will I look at this baby girl and then feel like this has all been worth it? Probably, but right now I'm really tired of playing telephone with the social workers. We've been working it seems continuously on a mutually acceptable openness agreement, defining all of the contact that we will have with the birth mother. What's in the best interest of the child mingles with our best interests and sometimes it's hard to see clearly what we should do. Birth mom wants to make it a legally binding contract, and Lee and I are intentionally trying to work past the feelings of mistrust. If we say we are going to do something, then we are going to do it, but then I remember that birth mom doesn't really know us. Just because she chose us doesn't automatically instill her with deep abiding trust that we will see her when we say we will.

I feel like we have been through several weeks of labor, and I'm praying that these last few weeks before the baby is born will be uneventful for us. I just want to enjoy the anticipation of it, not be flooded with anxiety. I have been working more and more on the room- crib skirt, window treatments, and it is slowly beginning to look like someone might actually live in there soon! In just a few short weeks a child will actually be sleeping in the bassinet and I have not fully prepared myself for that. One of my dearest friends just had her baby on Tuesday and as proud papa was telling me all of the details I thought - we're going to be sharing details like that very soon! How strange that my brain has not yet absorbed everything yet, but I hear from many mothers that "it" will come. So as we wait for the true labor pains to begin we will try to focus on the joy that awaits us!

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