Before the years are gone and I've lost my nerve...

'Cause this is what I've waited for..

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Her name is Marisol..

I came home late last night from meeting Marisol, a woman whose story will make your jaw drop open. God is real- and boy, did I ever get the story I was asking for.

It looks like we will be bringing home a beautiful Latino baby boy in just a few short weeks! He's due October 10th.

Even as I write these words I cannot put the concept together in my head, it's too beyond what I'm capable of grasping right now. As I mumbled a few broken Spanish sentences and watched Marisol smile at my attempts I realized that I trusted her. How did that happen when all we could think about when we first heard of this possibility was how sketchy it sounded?

I'm about to bear the full honesty of my heart- and just know that God himself is working on it. When Lee and I considered our international options we specifically narrowed our options to countries with Caucasian children, thinking if we had a choice, why not choose something that wouldn't necessarily be so obvious? Did we really want to deal with people's questions, looks, etc. for the rest of our lives? Wasn't our family supposed to be our sacred thing that wasn't another walking public awareness announcement? But I tell you this, God speaks. There is a voice He has just for me, a way of saying my name like no other can, gentleness that's commanding. As I was preparing to leave for the meeting in the cities I spent a good chunk of time regurgitating all that we've been through these last months, thinking that if this situation were to actually happen there would be no hiding it, our adoption would be extremely evident. And it was like this:

"I want it to be obvious. I want this story known." Talk about immediate conviction, but the most tender of reprimands.

After everyone left last night my parents spent time helping me process through some of this before I hit the road to come home. In a stupor my gaze wandered to their fireplace, and I sat there completely shocked, not really focusing on anything. Do you remember Magic Eye pictures? You stare at this complete hodge-podge of colors, things begin to get hazy and a bit blurry and you begin to ask yourself, "What in the world am I looking for?!?" And suddenly out pops this dimensional picture of a bald eagle, full span of wings soaring over a mountain and you realize that only in this transfixed, semi-blurry state can you see clearly what was intended.

My eyes had fixed on what, I didn't know, until it came out just like those Magic Eye pictures......a rock with the words, Trust, engraved in it.

And I said, "Okay.........I will." So we turn the page.

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