Before the years are gone and I've lost my nerve...

'Cause this is what I've waited for..

Friday, May 18, 2007

I've had this stuck to our refrigerator for months, ever since we found out the gender of the baby. It didn't take too long to get addicted to magnetic poetry and now our fridge is covered with these snippets of randomness. I love it. This particular concoction of pieces I can't seem to rearrange and I've been dwelling on them for days. Are these words still true even though we have no daughter to teach them to? I know they are so I will not take pieces away from this phrase, I will not interrupt the promise my heart made when putting them together in my kitchen. I want them to come true. And even after incredible disappointment and devastation, hope remains. Sometimes I hate hope.

There's much about our situation that is so completely unresolved and Lee and I both are still walking around like we are waiting for the phone to ring, like there's still a chance that we might bring that baby home. Part of it has to do with the update we received a few days ago. Apparently the birth mom's step-mother would not allow her and the kids to stay at the house (big surprise there) so as of a few days ago she and the 2 kids were in a hotel. In a hotel!!

Is it right that I'm praying she can't handle it? I need some closure, but for now we continue with the unanswered, emotional purgatory.